Sarahjanus's Blog

February 6, 2015

My muse is Watson!

Filed under: crossdresser — Sarah Michelle @ 4:44 pm

My muse is Watson.

I have written before about the style that I think is mine. It is conservative. It is in keeping with my primary personality. I am not loud and I do not want to be the center of attention. I do want to be noticed and I do want to believe that I am attractive and to a certain extent, intriguing.  My current wardrobe which includes a number of party dresses that have never seen the outside of this house would still be considered conservative. They are colorful but to the knee in length. I had a few dresses from Le Chateau which were extremely fitted. Regretfully they went out in one of my purges because they were too “fitted” for my comfort. Now that I have lost 12 pounds (and kept it off for over a year) on my way to a goal still 10 pounds away, those dresses would not be quite so fitted and therefore, possibly, more acceptable. One of them was heavy denim, belted with zippers everywhere and a mini in length. I had to exhale to get it on. I thought it had a “rocker-look” when I bought and I loved the attitude it created but I made the mistake of taking a set of pictures with it on. I looked like a too-tightly-bound sausage, all rolls and bulges. I was so dismayed, so disappointed. What a reality check.

On the other hand, they were also short, as Le Chateau dresses tend to be so they may have gone out to the Sally Ann in any case. I did like the way I felt in them though, sexy and alive. There you have a view of my inner battles. If I were able to throw off the restraints that I have encumbered myself with, who knows how I may end up dressed.

Of the dresses I kept, the key influence is conservative, business-appropriate or leaning towards a “Betty Bop” look. I do love and admire that style (Betty Bop) but I am most comfortable in conservative, which brings us to the next inner conflict. I was watching the American version of Sherlock Holmes, Elementary with Jonny Lee Miller and, most relevantly, Lucy Liu as Watson. Her other roles and her personal life aside, it is her portrayal of the Watson character that I am so charmed by. I won’t digress to put the characters in context. You either know them if you watch the program or you don’t. I’ll focus on my own epiphany.

I’ve watched many actresses in many roles over the course of my life. I have been star-struck by Michelle Pfeiffer since the first time I saw her. I have been a Cher fan but not a fanatic. I have been amused by some, and lusted for others. I think Angeline Jolie as Lara Croft was as lusty a woman as one could ever hope to be.

I’ve been streaming Season 2 of Elementary to catch up. I had missed most of the season because of the channel it plays on and the conflicts it created when it was scheduled. In the last 3 episodes that I have watched I have realized how drawn to the Watson character I am. She is not perfect in her appearance, nor is she perfect in her life, past or present. But when I watch her walk through a scene, watch her establish a presence in a room without being loud, I am full of want. That is the woman I want to be, casual but classy, under-stated but note-worthy, her own sense of fashion and appropriately, Sherlock’s peer, not just a companion and certainly not simply a foil.

I have no idea what Lucy Liu is like as a person, nor do I care. I don’t believe it is relevant to this adoption of her character as my inspiration. I am inspired by the character Watson. I am not even troubled by the fact that Watson is simply a character, a figment of some writer’s imagination. What is a dream but a figment of one’s imagination? So I dream of being a dream. My imagination is tweaked by someone-else’s imagination. I sense a circle building.

I love her clothes and the way she puts things together. I like that she wears skirts rather than jeans or trousers.  I love that she is conservative in the way she dresses but it doesn’t detract one iota from her presence as a woman and a sexual being. In retrospect I was pleased that they created Sherlock’s brother character so that there was an outlet for Watson to display a sexual being that might have otherwise been a distraction to the main threads of the series.

I had to articulate this for the sole purpose of making it real. It was an interesting sensation to realize that I was moved by the character Watson, that I held a deep admiration for the woman that character displayed. If I could be a woman, that’s the woman I would aspire to be.

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