Sarahjanus's Blog

October 4, 2010

In a mirrorless house, I am a pretty woman

Filed under: crossdresser, sexual identity, transvestite — Tags: , , , — Sarah Michelle @ 12:32 pm

I have a running page on which I am writing a biography. I’m going to take a break from that for a moment to write closer to my heart. Last week I ordered a set of breast forms from an online Canadian supplier [the woman in me]. They were couriered out and arrived on Friday. Of course I had to open them immediately, and try them on. The feeling was awesome.

When I first crossed the line, from just wearing the clothes to wanting a feminine figure, I shopped for bras and found the “helpers” in the same section of the store. They’re not fancy; they’re simply intended to bolster a small-breasted woman by one size.  I’ve worked out with weights for most of my life so I still have a decent set of firm pecs. The “helpers’ added nicely to the profile and for awhile they sufficed. Then I upped the ante and decided to order something larger and more “breast-like”. “Cs” were recommended for some one of my height and weight, so that’s what I ordered. I bought the right bra to wear them and away we went. Turns out, they are a bit large for my vision of myself and they are heavier than is comfortable. This most recent set are “Bs”. They fit like a dream. They feel almost weightless and they give me a profile that I am comfortable with. I haven’t used any adhesive today, just put them in the bra against my skin. They have a concave back so they sit tight on my pec. There is a measure of natural suction that holds them snug.

I didn’t know when an opportunity was going to present itself for me to dress head to toe and enjoy the moment but it (the opportunity) presented this morning. I showered, did my make-up, but left the wig off. (See “Felicity’s diary – diary of a crossdresser” for thoughts on wigs that I can identify with.) I chose the fancy panties (rather than the everyday stuff), the more attractive pantyhose (a nice diamond pattern), black patent heels, a grey pencil skirt and a cowl neck black top. On went the bra, in went the forms, on went the rest of the clothes and I was ethereal.

I work from home so I settled back in at my desk and my computer comfortable that the clothes matched the person in so many ways. When I write about cross-dressing and my experiences and emotions, this is what it is all for, to feel that the clothes match the person. So here I am, all dressed up with nowhere to go. This is the most tragic part of cross-dressing, that I can’t share it, that I can’t be public.

In forums like Crossdressers.com, you can find a surprisingly wide range of crossdresser styles and attitudes. The forum has been really helpful for me, figuring out who I am and that there are others like me out there. I’m not a drag queen, nor is there anything sexual about why I dress. There is no sexual arousal that accompanies the putting on of the clothes. If you read regularly you will see me cry (figuratively) about wanting to be seen as a woman. And just to make things even more difficult, I want to be seen as an attractive woman, attractive for my age, attractive for my physique. If I ever “come out” I will make a beeline for a group like Xpressions in Toronto so that I can participate in their social outings. I’m sure the group would be a marvelous place to grow personally.

So, before I get too heavy and deep, I feel like a woman today. My make-up is done, my clothes are complete, my testicles hide when I cross-dress so my skirt front is smooth and my new “weightless” forms feel like they belong to me. And I just love my Mary Janes with the little bow on the toe. Without making any reference to the movie, ‘cause that’s not what I mean, I feel like a pretty woman. Of course, in a mirrorless house it takes longer to realize that you’ve forgotten your jewellry!

Enjoy your day, please…….

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4 Comments »

  1. […] Read more: In a mirrorless house, I am a pretty woman « Sarahjanus's Blog […]

    Pingback by Crossdresser News » In a mirrorless house, I am a pretty woman « Sarahjanus's Blog | Real Crossdressers Network — October 4, 2010 @ 4:44 pm

  2. how are you!This was a really fine topic!
    I come from itlay, I was fortunate to find your Topics in wordpress
    Also I obtain much in your blog really thank your very much i will come later

    Comment by bet365 italia — October 6, 2010 @ 1:13 am

    • Thank you very much for the kind comments. I was alone for a long time with my thoughts so I know what it feels like. I just want to present my point of view so that others may feel less alone.

      Comment by Sarah Michelle — October 6, 2010 @ 10:04 am

  3. Hi Sarah

    I’m sorry, but you can’t be a tranny (uk) / crossdresser in a mirrorless house.

    GO OUT AND BUY SOME MIRRORS!

    It is what we all need.

    To be re-inforced by the image that we see before us.

    How else can we improve.

    ps quite right on the forms! size DOES matter! lol.

    Hugs
    Tina x
    http://tinacortina.wordpress.com/

    Comment by TinaCortina — October 7, 2010 @ 6:58 am


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