Sarahjanus's Blog

June 11, 2010

Wife at home means no cross-dressing

Filed under: crossdresser — Sarah Michelle @ 2:11 am

My S.O. has been off work for the past few weeks. I’ll skip the details for the moment for the obvious reason of trying not to identify myself through the innocuous details that slip into every-one’s day-to-day conversations. Suffice to say that it has been 5 weeks since I have been alone. I think that even in an ordinary relationship, a sudden shift from one working outside the home and the other working from the home, to both home and one trying to work from home, is going to cause problems and require time for adjustment.

In my case it has caused Sarah to have to go back inside my head and stay there far longer than she is happy with. I’ve stumbled along for the past few months with the opportunities resulting from my S.O. being at work and me being home. I’m fairly comfortable during the day, believing that she is unlikely to leave work and make a surprise visit home. We have one child still at home. He is in high school and recently crossed over the magic boundary that allows him to sign himself in and out of school, so I’m never entirely sure when he may appear in the doorway. It is further complicated by his friends, one by one, acquiring access to vehicles so that they are no longer dependent on the bus. How I miss being able to count on the bus. How I long for the near future when he moves out of the house to go to college. I will regain my sanctuary.

My wardrobe has been growing slowly and causing me ever greater problems keeping it hidden and wearable. Dresses don’t fold well, and shoes take up a lot of room when they’re in a storage box. I have a dress that is a bad fit, something that is typical for women’s clothing on a man’s frame. My chest is not proportionate to my waist in women’s sizes, by the time I get a size 18 to fit my chest, it literally swims on my waist. Conversely, I can wear a 12 skirt, a 14 is too loose to be comfortable so a dress that is a 16 is too big at the waist and too small for the chest. So, I have this lovely size 18 safari shirt-dress,  (Reitman’s) belted at the waist, love it, love the way it feels on, but it needs to be altered from the chest down to the waist and on to the knee-length hem.

I got an hour to myself one afternoon so the dress came out of the closet. I flipped it inside out and began pinning it then trying it on. I have it back in the closet now, pinned and ready to go to a seamstress for alterations but I can’t get the “alone” time to finish the exercise. Believe me, this is very frustrating.

I was out today, doing errands, by myself for the first time in ages, so I took the opportunity to go shopping. I spent some time in the Vaughan Mills super-mall. They had so many lovely dresses in the fashion “neighborhood”, none of which I could buy because I anticipated problems getting them back into the house unseen. Eventually I took my chances and bought a skirt which I hid in the bag from another store. Wouldn’t you know it, I bought a 14 without trying it on and it’s too big, so I’ll have to go back and exchange it for a 12. One more challenge and yet another reason for throwing caution to the winds and coming out of the closet. I fool myself into believing that I’m brave enough to do that when really I’m not. I’m a coward at heart and my secret will remain a secret until I stumble and it falls out like all the others.


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